13 months

I know I had already written about this on my other blog, but I already cancelled it so... it's like it has never been written before.

Tomorrow will be 13 months since she left us. Thirteen long months that she hasn't been with us on family sundays, that she hasn't been with us on trips, and the hardest part that she wasn't with us on Christmas and New Years, and will not be on years ahead.

Still remember that day, and I believe I will remember it for the rest of my life, how a very ordinary day can become the saddest one of your life? How is that possible? But I've learned that life can be so unpredictable that you must be always prepared to what it is about to happen.

That day was like any other friday, it was my second week of classes and the day before had been kinda hectic because my grandmother by my mothers side had passed away so I was already kinda vulnerable but everything was okay due to the talk I had with my aunt the night before. Everything was going okay, it was a normal day for me.
I even remember the shoes I wore and how they didn't fit me well and were like a size bigger and actually got angry with my cousin when she left me in school because she left me very far away from my classroom so I had to walk a long road and with shoes that are a size bigger it's not that easy, and to finish it up I arrived late so I was really pissed at her. But once I got out of class my anger was over. I got that day out of class at 1:00pm and I was supposed to get back to class at 2:30.

But on my way to the cafeteria I caught up with my cousin and we decided to go and pick up some things for her dance studio which she was about to open the next week. So there we were with some friends picking up some stuff and fixing other. When suddenly most of our friends started recieving calls and heading back home, now that I think of it, actually it was kinda weird but at that moment I didn't thought of it. Everyone just left.
And I really don't know why just decided to not go to class and stay with my cousin helping her with all the stuff she had to do. It wasn't until 2:00 that the hell began.

I recieved a call from another cousin calling us to meet him at my cousin's grandomother house, I think maybe it was destiny but my cousin's cell phone ran out of battery so she wasn't able to communicate with anyone, I was the only one that started recieving calls asking me if we were okay and that if everything was fine...

For they knew what had happened, it had been all over the news. Everyone knew except for us. Even my other aunts knew what had happened.

What happened next really is a nightmare, it was without a doubt the worst day of my life. I felt desperate, had no idea what to do. When they told me I just couldn't believe it. She had been with us the day before and everything was perfect... we laughed together, we hugged, we even ate together. So how come one day a person is here and the next she isn't anymore?

The longest hours of my life passed that January 11th, 2008. I cried so much that my eyes were swollen.
I hated helicopters
I hated the Governor
I hated the place were she went
I hated the people

Hated everyone, because for once I thought that if it wasn't for them my aunt would still be alive.

The news was everywere, the TV, the radio, even the internet!
It really sucks that the saddest day of your life you are able to find it online...

I still miss her, and I sometimes feel that if she was still here a lot of things wouldn't have happened and that we would still be together and happy. We are happy, but it's not the same, not without her. I always used to see on movies and on TV how sad it was for other people to loose someone really close to them, but it was until know that I understand how much that hurts.

That is one of the reasons why everytime I hear that song from Rascal Flatts tears fall through my face... that song says EVERYTHING! She was my aunt - godmother - second mom!

I can take the rain off the roof of this empty house
that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend
but that's not what gets me

What hurts the most was being so close
and having so much to say and watching you walk away
never knowing what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
was what I was trying to do

Rascal Flatts - What hurts the most